RUNNING
Recently I've been preparing the "Shamrockin' Half Marathon" in Sacramento that takes place Sunday March 13th. My inspiration to start training for this was my Dad, brother (who used to run), and a few books I decided to pick up during Winter break (Dean Karnazes: Ultra Marathon Man, Running Through the Wall). My first run to begin this training was actually last year on December 31st. When I started running it sucked. Not only was I out of shape, but during these past four years of college my mind for being physically active has truly deteriorated. My weight and shape has constantly fluxuated due to the lack of exercise, mass amounts of drinking, bad eating habits, and simply avoiding the gym. Although, I did try to get back into shape a few times by joining a boxing gym, doing cross fit, and an inconsistent visits to 24 Hour fitness, there always ended up being something that bored me with all of these activities. Well after reading a few books and and being inspired by some whom I consider closest to me in my life, I decided it was time to motivate myself. I started by mentally challenging myself to small goals such as how many times I would run a week, running distances, and then how many miles I could run in a week. With these goals I began to notice the competition with myself was growing to push harder, to run faster, and run a little farther every time I laced up my shoes. But something I would like to go back to is how "terrible" I felt when I started running. When I ran for the first two or three weeks I continuously experienced cramps, nauseousness, being extremely light headed, headaches, etc... Truly, it sucked, but I stuck with it. As my running continued my Dad and brother (who used to run) started talking about a bet on who could finish the "Shamrockin' Half Marathon" with the best time and also who would place highest within their age group. Once again, another goal and competition. My mindset dramatically changed once again, and ultimately the only thing I've been able to think about since is March 13th. While consistently training these past two months I have felt tremendous growth in my leg strength and my running itself (It feels great!) I often find myself talking about my runs with people who don't even care, but its nice to express positive feelings to others. Who knows, maybe I'll inspire someone else to start running. Although using running as a tool to challenge myself mentally and physically to get back into shape, something that running has also done is allowed me "think" and "free my mind". When I mention "thinking" I'm talking about stressful situations I have going on, school, future runs, family, etc.." When I mention "freeing my mind" I'm talking about running, being me, and not thinking about anything except for the enjoyment of what I'm doing at the moment. Running has also done things like slow down my drinking habits tremendously and allow me to reestablish my competitive self as an individual. Lastly, while running more recently I have been thinking a lot about my future (graduation, job/career, location(s), family, and my girlfriend). There are several thoughts, feelings, ideas, and interest that have been running through my head, but I can't quite figure out how to express them to people without being taken as a joke, irrational, or skeptical. So, I figured why not put it on paper and see how it looks after that?
The Future
Written while listening to Bon Iver, "For Emma, Forever Ago" Soundtrack
Graduation is rapidly approaching. In many instances I'm proud of what I achieved thus far, being that I've put myself through college, and especially being the first college graduate out of anyone in my family. But in actuality, I'm a bit frightened with the thought. I keep asking myself what am I going to do? What's my location going to be? Yes, I won't lie Grad school has been a thought, but who am I kidding, after 18 years of reading, taking tests, and going to class, it's time to distance myself from any lifestyle similar to that. I want nothing to do with the classroom. Nowadays I find myself in great debate whether to even go to lecture or just teach myself. I can say this is the first time in my life I've experienced a massive amount of what is known as "SENIORITIS". The reality of all of this is that it's time to grow up. Other questions I constantly am trying to figure out is what I want to do for a job/career? As much as I would like to be like the 90% of kids who grow up in Sacramento, I don't want to go back, live at home, and be complacent with the simplistic beauties Sacramento has to offer. On the other hand, I don't want to rush into anything stupid and set myself back in life. I refuse to live from pay check to pay check (I didn't get a degree for the hell of it) But being stubborn me, I also can not see myself sitting in someone's office in the capital or private business and being a paper pushing slave to the man. That's not me or my personality and that could potentially be worse than sitting in a Grad school class. So by now you're probably thinking like I often think to myself... what the fuck does this guy want? Well, let me tell you I wish I had the answer. Something recently that has been entertaining my mind more than anything is OCS. For those of you that don't know what OCS stands for its Officer Candidate School. The branch I would want to go to would be the United States Marine Corps for several reasons. I have a lot of family who have been Marine's so going to any other branch would be a slap in the face. The Marine's are known as the most trained, disciplined, courageous, crazy brave people to walk the face of the planet. Who wouldn't want to have that training or title? Learning some of the most skilled tactics and going back to learning how to survive and be a leader to all of society sounds good to me. Now I'm sure the reasons for me pondering this idea may not agree with some people, but ultimately as selfish as this sounds, this is the first time in my whole entire life I feel like this is something I need to do for myself, for the bettering of my future, for my family, future kids, and humanity. First off, going into the military would allow me to receive all benefits from A - Z not just for myself, but for family as well for as long as we exist. Second, I understand its not a job that brings in a ton of money especially at the beginning, but once again I'm not doing it for the paycheck, I would do it because I freely choose to. Third, by the time I'm done with my duty, I will feel like I will be ready to begin my life. My maturity level will be exactly where I want it to be, it makes the sounds of starting a family of my own a lot better, I will be financially stable, and hopefully by that point have my own vehicle and home. All of this sounds good to me and sounds like a self made man, something I admire my father and grandfather for teaching me how to be. Not all things in life are supposed to come easy and what's wrong with a little hard work to get the things you want? Lastly, the most idealistic future goal of a career that I would love to achieve would be working for either the FBI, CIA, Police Duty (More specific SWAT), something of this nature. I would have all of the qualifications and find no reasons as to why somewhere wouldn't offer me a job. A man who has a college degree and military background as an officer seems to fit this criteria. Now for the part some of you are waiting for is the CONS of this whole selfish decision. Well, number one would be the distance away from my family. Not being able to see my little brothers, parents, and grandparents especially since they're getting older scares me to death. I couldn't even imagine losing closeness with any of them or something health wise happening to one of my grandparents. My world would come crashing down like a ton of bricks. Second, my relationship(s). Right now I consider my girlfriend to not only be my girlfriend or my love, but my best friend in the whole world. Some small cliche words that I can think to describe her go something along the lines of "scary smart, crazy beautiful, electric, compassionate, and outright amazing". The thoughts of leaving her behind for some amount of time until we can make some type of living arrangements is scary. It's easy for people to fall "out of love" over a given period of space, time, and not being able to communicate on a daily basis. In actuality this scares me the most because she's precious and she's dearest to my heart. Ultimately, I would not ask her to do anything she doesn't want to do. With that strong-willed independent personality of hers, I would never want her to feel uncomfortable, forced to do something she doesn't want to do, or hold her back from any dreams she has. I've made that clear from day one when we met in Lake Tahoe. All I can really say about her is since we met in late July, she's given me advice and made a positive impact in my life that has changed me for the better. The girl has been the catch of a lifetime. I can who heartedly say if there was any girl in the world who I feel would stand by my side with loyalty and dignity throughout this process, she's the one. Now as for my friends, I know who will always be there for me regardless. That handful of you know who you are and I don't have to justify any decisions I make to you. I look forward to your support and plan to continue seeing or hearing about you guys at my house during the holidays regardless if I'm present or not. So if I haven't bored anyone yet and your still reading you know where I stand on this very day with my thoughts about my career, life, girlfriend, friends, running, etc... I guess the only question left to be answered is what will really happen after I graduate? Only time will tell and right now it's not of the essence. The clocks ticking this very second...
Happy Trails
Why run? Why Not? -"I understand it now"
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